Why 'Forgiving' is a Bad Bad Baaaad Idea!!

Forgiveness is often considered as the panacea for healing from emotional hurt, but in reality, it doesn't work for most people. The conventional idea of forgiveness is to force oneself to forgive someone by sheer willpower, but this approach often torments the person more than it heals. This is because suppressing the underlying emotion of anger doesn't address the root cause of the issue. The more you suppress it, the more it simmers beneath the surface, and you continue to torment yourself.

One of the key reasons why the traditional approach to forgiveness doesn't work is because anger is a necessary precondition for it. Without anger, what do you need to forgive? You don't go around forgiving someone who does you good. Anger is a natural response to hurt, and it's important to acknowledge and process it. When you accept your anger instead of suppressing it, you are able to work through the emotions and let them go.

Forgiveness can only happen when you are in a position where nothing angers you. This may sound like a lofty goal, but it is achievable. It happens when you see things as they really are and understand the impermanence of all things, including your own emotions. This is where Eastern philosophies like Zen Buddhism, Yoga, and Taoism can be helpful. These traditions emphasize the importance of mindfulness, meditation, and the acceptance of impermanence.

When you practice mindfulness, you become aware of your thoughts and emotions in the present moment. You don't suppress or ignore them, but instead, you acknowledge them and let them pass. Through mindfulness, you can gain a deeper understanding of your emotions and learn to process them in a healthy way. This allows you to let go of anger and hurt and to find peace and happiness within yourself.

Meditation is another powerful tool for developing inner peace and resilience. When you meditate, you quiet your mind and focus on your breath. This helps you to release tension and to calm your mind and body. Over time, meditation can help you to cultivate a more peaceful and accepting mindset, which is essential for letting go of anger and hurt.

The Tao teaches that everything is in a state of constant change, and that life is like a river flowing. When you understand this, you can accept that all things come and go, including your emotions. By letting go of the attachment to anger and hurt, you can find peace and happiness in the present moment.

The traditional approach to forgiveness often doesn't work because it ignores the underlying emotion of anger. It's important to acknowledge and process your anger in a healthy way, and to understand the impermanence of all things. By practicing mindfulness and meditation, and embracing the wisdom of Eastern and Stoic philosophies, you can develop inner peace and resilience, and learn to let go of anger and hurt.